'Hang on, hang on...is 'Ah Mok' actually a RPG character, or just a spelling mistkae?'

- Billy, Knightmare Chat, 05/02/05

Ah Mok is a character created for Knightmare RPG Season 7 by Robin John Barlow, a.k.a. Mashibinbin.


Ah Mok's name would seem to suggest that he was inspired by Ah Wok from Knightmare Series 6, and this is no red herring. At the same time, he was spawned from Robin's experiences in the Far East, and his costume is a genuine 'made in China' garment in the most authentic sense.

While the portrayals of Ah Wok and Ah Mok do have aspects in common, such as their use of broken English, there are differences. Chief among these is the fact that whereas Ah Wok is good, Ah Mok is evil. In addition, while Ah Wok is cheeky, Ah Mok is risqué, and tailored to an adult audience rather than a CITV one. However, it's unlikely that many members of that adult audience would wish to know the exact nature of Ah Mok's oft-mentioned 'special sauce'.

Since it is not yet 100% impossible that RPG7 footage will one day be shared with the wider KM fan community in some fashion, information on Ah Mok's shenanigans cannot be revealed in too much detail. It can be said that after arriving in the Greater Dungeon as a trader from XiangYang Marketplace, his wily, ambitious nature leads Ah Mok to want more. His sometimes dark desires get opportunities to be fulfilled through a close, undeniably kinky and fantastically entertaining association with Morgaine of Evil.

The Ah Mok/Morgaine alliance (or should that be double act?) has never been exclusive to RPG7, nor indeed has Ah Mok himself. They have been explored in a number of Knightmare Chat sessions, as shown by the following log extracts, some of which feature other RPG7 character roleplaying:

20:10:02 Ah_Mok comes in with a book of evil spells for his mistress to enjoy casting on unfortunate people

20:11:15 morgaineofevil: well im beeding a new assistant anyone got any ideas for a name ?

20:11:18 Drassil emerges from the quest chamber with a few objects to sell later on

20:11:29 morgaineofevil: morgaine HAS to have someone to boss around

20:11:37 Pyron: When the fire burns, I return

20:11:54 morgaineofevil: well i am noq known as morgaine OF EVIL

20:11:59 Ah_Mok: what wrong with me?

20:12:14 Aranel points and laughs at Ah_Mok

20:12:16 morgaineofevil: shes wantiong more assistants

20:12:20 morgaineofevil: lol

20:12:23 morgaineofevil: not really

20:12:39 morgaineofevil: but she does quite fanvy an num ber 43 with specila fried rice

20:12:50 morgaineofevil: NOT A 66

20:12:56 Pyron: you Ah Mok speak English so badly, I laugh and mock at you.

20:12:58 Ah_Mok casts TRAP on aranel from the big book of evil spells

20:13:33 Ah_Mok: Pyron that be hot talk now you go bye-bye or get alanel fate too!

- 20/02/05

21:17:45 morgaineofevil: morgaines just getting stuck into a fave

21:18:15 morgaineofevil: into chineeese

21:19:22 morgaineofevil: ah mok?

21:19:44 morgaineofevil: wherres my shreddedchicken lol

21:20:28 Ah_Mok produces a cockerel for morgaine

21:21:18 Ah_Mok shreds his cockerel

21:21:32 morgaineofevil: he he

21:21:39 Ah_Mok puts in bowl and passes it over

21:21:44 morgaineofevil: mmm

21:21:56 morgaineofevil: im too full now with my chicken balls

21:24:00 Ah_Mok: :) anything else you want?

21:25:54 morgaineofevil: well come into my booobsoir and then let u know

21:26:18 Ah_Mok enters ur inner sanctum

- 13/03/05

21:14:08 Mashibinbin: ah alanel peasant girl

21:14:15 Mashibinbin changed name to Ah_Mok

21:14:29 Aranel gives Ah Mok a sweet smile

21:14:41 Ah_Mok: but a nice peasant girl ;)

21:15:27 Ah_Mok: (to self) siwwy girl she no know me plans

21:15:56 Aranel looks through random bits of parchment paper with scrawly notes written on

21:16:13 Ah_Mok: hey! ah mok no do the writings scrawly

21:16:51 Aranel: Well, you've gotten the grammar completely wrong in this line here...

21:16:59 Aranel walks up to Ah Mok and shows him

21:17:11 Aranel: You've changed tenses in that part

21:17:29 Ah_Mok: ah yes 'me wanna give you one' no reference to subject or object of giving

21:17:34 Ah_Mok: siwwy me

21:17:50 Aranel: Indeed!

21:18:04 Ah_Mok hang head in most humble shame

...

22:43:52 Drassil: Excuse me, Mr. Mok. This is my turf. Are you stealing my trade?

22:44:59 Ah_Mok: what you mean siwwy man i no take your turf, i take wembley turf once before big change but you have no turf, turd perhaps more you style

22:46:00 Drassil: Well, yes it is. But when I put it in a box, write Toblerone on the side and sell it at inflated prices, no one seems to notice.

- 25/06/05

Ah Mok's earliest known #Knightmare mention was in fact on 31/10/04, when 'Ah Mok disguised as Hordriss disguised as Mashibinbin' was featured as a potential choice in a game of Blind Date.

In September 2008, the Morgaine/Ah Mok partnership burst back into Knightmare Chat, displaying an appreciation of scatology and innuendo that was as potent as ever. After a moment of doubt by the pair ('they are wondering wether you lot think there is life left within their characters') was swiftly dispelled by other chatroom users, an in-character question and answer session ensued. Its success led to the establishment of 'Ask Ah Mok & Morgaine' as an ongoing Knightmare community feature. Although this forum topic has yet to attract a wide range of questioners, it has notched up over 1200 views.

And so, it rather looks as if Ah Mok will be with us for a while to come (no pun intended). Where hilarious ribaldry is concerned, he and Morgaine comprise a special source (pun intended). Ah Mok is evidently far more than a typo.

SEE ALSO: Gordon Burns

[Image credits: James Aukett, Matt

Previous version of this entry: 2011-03-19 15:08:26]

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